Yesterday here wasn't the best day for me here. I spent the majority of the day crying, begging for the doctors to just let me go home. Home to my bed, my food, my cats, but more importantly, to my husband and my son. They didn't give me a lot of hope that would happen, but I am praying that God will change their hearts and minds and allow me to walk out of the doors. After all, my contractions are now more irritabiliy than labor and Cain's heart rate and activity has been consistently good and well within normal range. Whatever is happening inside of me doesn't seem to be putting any strain on him which is a blessing. In fact, he's moving more than ever with his huge ocean to swim in.
Right now, the only thing keeping me remotely sane is holding on to the hope that home might be in my near future. You may be like I was a week ago and think bed rest a home with a two year old is impossible, but after being here one week today, I realize the importance of bed rest. I also realize the importance of very little stress, and I have to believe that me being at home in the peace and comfort of my everyday surroundings would be far less stressful for Cain and me. I worry about the effect my stress will have on him in the long run. It's not easy to control emotions in this place as I have I only all day to be alone with my thoughts, my panic, my anxiety. And that is the hardest part of this situation.
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